Scarves
by Tiontah
Summary: G1 Oneshot. Sometimes Red Alert gets freaked out over the most mundane things.


Disclaimer: Don't own Transformers and I don't even know how to crochet.

Scarves

"Prowl, you've got to do something about these, these things! They're a distraction and a safety hazard, not to mention a…" Red Alert froze mid-tirade when he saw what was draped around the strategist neck. In a mixture of black, white and bright blue, the object of his tirade hung there, limp and in his opinion, unspeakably hideous. While many in the ark thought the newest Autobot fashion looked cute, Red Alert thought it resembled an ugly, multicolored snake.

It had all started about a week ago when Carly had come with Spike to the Ark to visit with her favorite team of giant robots. To combat the boredom that sometimes resulting from hanging around all day, Carly had brought with her a mound of thread and a crotchet needle. On arriving she went to the rec room and sat next to an injured Mirage to watch the impromptu game of badminton currently being held while she crocheted on the sidelines without the fear of being stepped on.

Mirage watched what she was doing with interest. Contrary to popular belief, he did enjoy learning about Earth customs especially the more peaceful, refined ones, such as chess, and even some of their sports. It had been he that had first learned how to play badminton before teaching it to some of the other Autobots.

"What are you doing?" He finally asked after a few minutes of watching her work.

"Making a scarf to keep my neck warm this winter," she had replied absentmindedly, her attention on a knot in the pattern. She couldn't decide whether to keep going or go back a few rows to fix it.

"Can anyone make one?" Bluestreak asked, pausing in the middle of the game. The birdie landed forgotten at his feet, earning him a good-natured whap from his partner, Hound, which he ignored.

"Of course but it does require some time and patience," Carly told him. _Might as well go back a few rows, _she thought with a sigh. It wasn't much but it was a few minutes worth of work.

"Could I make one?" Bluestreak asked still ignoring the game. Hound sighed and gave the time-out sign to Smokescreen and Bumblebee on the other team. They nodded, relaxing their rackets and walking over to examine what Carly was doing.

"I see no reason we not. I could teach you once I get out this knot," Carly told Bluestreak.

"Aren't his hands a little big for that kind of work?" Smokescreen asked.

Carly looked up in surprise. She hadn't been around the Autobots very long so she still wasn't used to thinking in their terms of size. "They are but don't you have any type of thread that is Autobot size."

The five mechs looked at each other. They used metal to build everything. It was Bumblebee that had been the first one with a solution, using a combination of extra wire and rope he found around the base and a . Since then anything that could be used as makeshift thread was being used to create the new trend, some Autobots even taking normal thread and tying together to become Autobot size, which was how Prowl's scarf seemed to be made.

"You have one," the security director said, a look of utmost horror on his face.

"You like it? Jazz made it for me and I figured it would be rude not to wear it," Prowl responded, deliberately ignoring Red's astonishment. Instead he focused on the huge pile of paperwork in front of him.

"Does everyone in this base have a deathwish? What if a scarf gets caught on something and chokes someone to death? Or what if it gets caught in somebodys internal systems? Or what if…"

Red Alert was halted on what promised to be a long rant by Prowl who motioned to him to stop.

"I assure you that if the scarves presented any real danger to a mech's health, Ratchet would have banned them long ago," Prowl informed the half-insane director. He usually had the patience for the Ark's head of security but between the amount of paperwork his desk had collected he had no time for ramblings. "Furthermore, neither he nor Wheeljack have reported any missing equipment from the lab so the craft hasn't pushed anyone to thievery. So far they have not harmed anybody nor have been taken into battle where they have a slight of chance for mishap. And I fail to see why the Decipticons would use what we ware at the base against us or even care if we decided to partake in simple Earth customs. Until they cause any real problems, I while risk lower morale by banning neither the wearing nor the making of them."

Red Alert opened his mouth to protest but Prowl stopped him again. "I'm sorry Red Alert but I have to return to my paperwork. You are dismissed."

Red Alert frowned but turned and left. What did he care anyway? Why should he care if the entire Ark decided to run around in tutus and become too distracted to notice a Decipticon attack? Or worse, what if the call for battle came in and everyone was too busy making sure their precious scarves were safe before they went to battle. What if the call for battle was sounded and he went out to protect the base and nobody else was there?

By the time he reached his office, he was considerably more frazzled than when he left Prowl's office. He opened the door to find Inferno at the monitors with Jazz watching over his shoulder.

"Hello Jazz," Red Alert said curtly. "Inferno, anything to report?"

"Nope Red, all quiet. How did your meeting with Prowl go?" Inferno asked him, spinning around in the chair to face his friend.

"Horrible but thanks for the concern," Red Alert told him. That's when he noticed it. The red and gold atrocity around his friend's neck. The newest bane of his existence, the horrible scarf was wrapped around Inferno's neck as if it was smug to be there. As if it had made another conquest.

Red Alert froze for a moment and the two other mech's watched him cautiously. Then Inferno moved quickly, pulling another scarf out of his subspace pocket and draping it around Red Alert's neck.

Red reached down and took one of the ends in his hands, looking at it dumbfounded. The tri-tone colors matched his paint job and was made of thick cords.

"I made it for you," Inferno ventured, hoping that Red Alert wouldn't blow up.

Instead a small smile appeared on Red Alert's face. "Well, Prowl said they hadn't really caused any trouble."

"He's right," Jazz agreed hesitantly.

"And it would be rude to refuse a gift," Red Alert continued, repeating Prowl's words from earlier. Jazz nodded while Inferno still looked a little anxious, waiting for some sign of acceptance.

"And since Ratchet approved it, I guess its safe," Red Alert said, turning his gaze to his friend. "Thank you Inferno."

"No problem, I'm glad you like it," Inferno said. "If it's okay with you, Jazz and I are going to go. Carly's visiting again and we missed her last time so we want to make sure we see her today."

Red Alert nodded before sitting down at the computer, turning his attention to his work.

Once they were safely out of Red's office, Inferno turned to Jazz. "Glad that worked."

"Course it worked. I already made sure it worked on Prowl," Jazz told him with a wicked grin.

Morale of the story: If you can't beat them, make sure they're on your side.

I know it was kind of random, don't really know where it came from but I hope you liked it!


End file.
